Harry Potter meets Star Wars
by manic bipolar pretzel
Summary: i know, it scared me too...
1. Kill the Smurfs!

Kill the Smurfs!!!  
  
"Princess Leia (spelling?), we have a problem."  
  
"What is it, Hans?"  
  
"Our ship has been pulled into the gravitational field of an unknown planet that the files say is called Earth. I've never heard of it."  
  
"Hhhaaaaaaaaaaannn, ooooooooouuuuuuuuu aaaaaaaoooooooooo."  
  
"Yes, Chewie, back to the point. Umm, the gravitational field is pulling us in at a very bad angle, and we're going to crash."  
  
Luke looked up. "Can we escape?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, no! Did you hear that, R2D2 (spelling?)? We're in for it this time!" C3PO (spelling?) was in a panic.  
  
"This looks boring Harry, change the channel", Hermione complained.  
  
"Ok, ok", Harry said, and changed the channel.  
  
"Our top news story tonight: a spacecraft has crash landed near Dublin, Ireland. There are no known survivors, rescuers say..." came from the TV.  
  
"Hmmm, I wonder", Harry began.  
  
"No way", said Ron. They the began to watch Mission Impossible 2, and missed the crashing cars and burning objects outside the window...  
  
A/N: i had to put star wars in, just to make some people happy. now to the real story!  
  
"I'll get you this time. You ugly blue critters, you'll be my dinner for sure!" Snape was muttering as he looked though old spell books for a way to capture the hated Smurfs (little blue things, you know...). Crookshanks leapt deftly onto Snape's desk, purring pitifully. "Yes, yes, I know, you'll get to eat them today..."  
  
At the other end of Hogwarts, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in big trouble! Their TV had suddenly exploded into ten thousand million billion trillion quintillion pieces. Harry got up, looked at the remains, and said, "The TV was fine. Someone blew it up from the inside!"  
  
"You mean like a kamikaze mission?" Ron asked, looking frightened.  
  
"Ron, you're not taking Muggle Studies. Do you even know what a kamikaze mission is?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Shut up! You're always making fun of me!" Ron yelled, pulling at his wand, and aiming a curse at Hermione. She ducked, and it blew up the window.  
  
"Ron, c-" Harry started to yell, but stopped, staring at Hermione. Hermione thought what the hell, why not?, and in the spirit of scientific experimentation, threw herself out the window.  
  
Ron whimpered, and Harry said, "It's ok, Ron, come here. Shh, it's ok. It's alright, calm down", while stroking a shivering Ron. Together, they sat down on the couch, and began to whisper secrets that no one else cared about to each other.  
  
Lupin walked into Sirius's office (i say he has one, ok?!?!?) and said," I would like an argument, please."  
  
"It's 1 pound (can't do the L thingy!!!) for the first 5 minutes, and only 8 for ten!" Sirius said excitedly (A/N: thank you Monty Python's Flying Circus for this one).  
  
"Ok, I think I'll start with the 5 minute one, thank you", Lupin said.  
  
"Alright, go down to room 12-A."  
  
Lupin walked down the hall, and opened a door on his right. "Do you think you can just come walking in here, you stupid monkey? I don't remember asking to see your ugly face! You son of a b*tch, what the f*ck is your problem? Are you too dense to have any respect for common people?" yelled McGonagall at Lupin.  
  
"I came to have an argument", Lupin said timidly.  
  
"Oh, that's right down the hall. This abuse", McGonagall said nicely. As soon as Lupin was done saying  
  
"Oh, thank you. Bye.", she muttered, "Stupid git!"  
  
Lupin walked down the hall, and opened a different door on his right. Walking in, he said, "Hello, I'm here to have an argument."  
  
"No, you're not", argued Dumbledore.  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Am too", said Lupin, sitting down.  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Wait a minute, this isn't an argument. This is just a bunch of contradictions." Lupin said angrily.  
  
"No, it isn't."  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"No, it isn't."  
  
"Yes, it is. I resent this. I came in here for a good argument."  
  
"No, you didn't."  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"No, you came in here for an argument. That doesn't necessarily make it a good one."  
  
"But-" Lupin started.  
  
"I'm sorry, time's up!"  
  
"That wasn't 5 minutes!"  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't argue with you until you pay."  
  
"That was not 5 minutes!"  
  
"I can't argue with you until you pay", Dumbledore said in a final kind of way.  
  
"Oh, here", said Lupin, handing over some money. "Now where were we?"  
  
"I can't argue until you pay."  
  
"But I just paid you!"  
  
"No, you didn't."  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"No, you didn't."  
  
"But you're arguing with me. Therefore I must've paid you."  
  
"Not necessarily."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I could be arguing in my spare time."  
  
Before things could go any further, Professor Trelawney came in, brandishing her wand, yelling, "Shut up! Shut up! Both of you, shut up!" With that, Lupin and Dumbledore both turned into pieces of bacon humming the theme-song to Batman.  
  
And now, back to Snape and his Smurfs. He had finally found a good spell that would surely let him get the Smurfs this time. He waved his wand, saying, "Salami Swami!" There immediate;y appeared the Smurfs, ready to fight another battle, as a hole to the bottom of the universe grew larger and larger.  
  
"Mwahahahahahahaha!", laughed Snape. "I've got you now! You will be sucked into the hole tat goes to the bottom of the universe, and rats will eat you while they have a dreadful war with cheese!"  
  
"With cheese?", said Papa Smurf, astonished.  
  
"Oh, yes, cheese. Munster being the most ferocious", answered Snape. While he was talking to Papa Smurf, the other Smurfs built a catapult to throw Snape in the hole. Snape flew into the hole, and finally landed at the bottom. There, he met that rats, who tried to eat him, but when they found out he was a wizard, worshiped him. "I am a great pharaoh! Worship me, bow to me!" Snape yelled happily, while cackling evilly and stroking Crookshanks, who appeared out of nowhere.  
  
The Smurfs heard none of this. They just rejoiced happily, finally having gotten rid of Snape. Their festivities were cut short when there was a gain puff of smoke. As one, the Smurfs said an awful phrase.  
  
"Care Bears..."  
  
*****************************  
  
a/n:wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! candy! candy! candy! candy! candy! candy! candy! candy! good candy fun candy. review please, and any flames can light the fire in the fire place because the monkeys won't do it. thank you. wwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Care Bears!

Disclaimer: i don't any of the HP characters or sets or anything HP related, or Smurf related or Care Bear related, so leave me alone!!! anything u don't recognize is mine (prolly), and this goes for all previous and future chaps  
  
A/N: no, i'm not insane (at least not legally insane). this is just what happens to a person who has parents who give them nicknames like "The Evil Queen", "Evil One", "Devil's Child", and so on, and use them repeatedly in public and in private. that's my excuse, what's yours? byt the way, this story is completely random (just in case u couldn't tell), and was inspired by a story by The Golden Goose.  
  
Care Bear Wars!!!  
  
"Care Bears?" Harry said, confused. "I thought you were just made up from a children's show."  
  
"Well, we're the things that played the characters," said one of them.  
  
"They're evil, Harry, don't trust them." yelled several Smurfs.  
  
"Just because we always beat you in the ratings..." began the Care Bears.  
  
"You? Beat us in ratings?" the Smurfs retorted, laughing.  
  
"This means war! No one insults the cult of Care Bears (A/N: yes, they're a cult)!!!"  
  
"Charge!"  
  
"I wonder what they'll do with the carnage?"  
  
"Hermione!"  
  
"Ron, what?"  
  
"It's bad enough that you're a cannibal!"  
  
"What, you'd prefer me to eat live humans?"  
  
"Well, no..." Harry and Ron began to say together.  
  
"Then shut up, Ron! Or do you want me to tell Harry what you and your twin brothers do in your spare time?"  
  
"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?" Ron yelled, as lots of Smurfs and Care Bears proceeded to keep killing each other.  
  
"I have my sources..." Mione said mischievously.  
  
"Tell me!" Ron roared, as Harry just stood there, watching. Ron pulled out his wand.  
  
"Ask Draco," Mione said, walking away.  
  
"Malfoy?" Harry and Ro said this together.  
  
"Why not?" Mione called over her shoulder.  
  
Harry and Ron looked at each other. Then they stared at Hermione as she walked away. "We should investigate this," Harry said seriously. "But I want pizza!" Ron complained. "Oh fine, we'll hire Muggles. Come on, let's go find a phone book." "A foney book? Why do we want that instead of pizza?" "Ron, we need the yellow pages." "I prefer crust" Ron muttered as Harry glided away. (A/N; yes, Harry glides. Glides!!! you hear me!!! mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!)  
  
Meanwhile, the battle between the Smurfs and the Care Bears was still raging. Bodies were strewn everywhere, and the amount of carnage was very high. The Smurfs brought out the heavy artillery: pink fluffy bunnies!!! The Care Bears instantly dropped their hand grenades and machine guns to run and play with the fluffy pink bunnies. Once a good number of them had clustered around the bunnies, they blew up!!! No, really, the bunnies blew up and killed the Care Bears. "Is that it, then? NO MERCY!!!" yelled the remaining Care Bears as they began a final charge at the remaining Smurfs.  
  
"Stop!" someone yelled, and right in the middle of the battle field/classroom were the Teletubbies (A/N: DIE!!!!!!!!). "What kind of role models are you to young children, fighting like this? We never fight."  
  
Papa Smurf looked at the Care Bears. "Shall we?"  
  
"Why not?" they answered. With a loud roar, they set upon the Teletubbies. Shouts such as "Kill Tinky Winky!" and "LaLa's mine!" soon filled the air. Within a matter of minutes, the Teletubbies were torn to shreds. "What shall we do with the carnage?" asked Papa Smurf.  
  
"Give it to Hermione?" someone suggested, but that was no good. Hermione only ate humans, being a cannibal.  
  
"How about we throw them down the hole!" someone yelled. "What hole?" asked Papa Smurf.  
  
"That one!" was the reply, and everyone turned to see the hole that goes to the middle of the universe where the cheeses are having a war with the rats and the cheeses will eat you and Snape was thrown down there after trying to kill the Smurfs.  
  
"I thought that blew up", muttered Papa Smurf. "Oh well, in they go!" The cheese ate remarkably well that day.  
  
*************************************************  
  
Harry and Ron finally made it to a town with phones. Therefore, the town had to have phone books. This obvious realization escaped Ron, and so he was forced to ask Harry, who patiently explained his reasoning to Ron, who said that he didn't get it and that Harry could be wrong, who said he couldn't possibly be wrong he grew up with muggles, etc. The conversation continued on this line for exactly 16 minutes and 16 seconds and 16 milliseconds and 16 nanoseconds and 16 quadriseconds and 16 quintiseconds and 16 septiseconds and 16 google seconds and 16 othernumbersthaticantmakeupatthemomentseconds. Then, Harry walked into a phone booth, and looked for a detective agency in the Yellow Pages. Ron stood outside the booth, muttering about pizza crust and why it was better than yellow paper, when Harry said, "How does this look?" He showed Ron an add that said: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency We solve the whole crime! *Missing cats and unexplainable phenomenon a specialty  
  
"Looks good", Ron muttered, unimpressed. Then Harry picked up the phone and dialed the number. He talked on the phone for several minutes, while Ron stood outside, staring at him. Harry hung up the phone and turned to Ron, saying, "He'll take the job and spy on Hermione. And we're lucky, because he's a Squid. He knows what magic is."  
  
Ron looked at Harry for a second (actually 3, but who cares?), and then asked, "Why were you talking to a piece of metal? It's not alive, you know."  
  
Harry was about to explain that it was a phone, and Ron had used it before, and it connected you to other people. Ron, however, chose that moment to start hallucinating (he wanted pizza, remember?). He saw a flying papaya calling to him, beckoning him to follow. He yelled aloud; "A papaya! Come back!!!" Harry stared as Ron ran down the street. Then he became worried and followed, yelling, "Ron! Stop! There's nothing there! RON!" Ron was oblivious, however, and kept running. He rounded a corner, with Harry at his heels, and they found themselves staring at Rite-Aid drug store...  
  
A/N: woooooooooohooooooooooooo!!!! sugar!!! sugar!!! sugar!!! wow, that's kinda long. anyhoo, r&r please. if not, my purple flying monkeys will come after you. not green, purple!!! and not some girly gay purple color, a cool purple hue! brewhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. The Evil Bacon Takeover

The Evil Bacon Takeover!!!  
  
Harry rushed into the Rite-Aid, in search of Ron. He ran all through the store, and didn't see him anywhere. When he eventually heard the sound of maniacal laughing (u can get lost in those places!!!), he knew he had found Ron. He rounded the corner and screamed.  
  
"My eyes! My eyes! They burn!"  
  
Ron turned around and said, "Harry!?! How did you get here?"  
  
"I have been emotionally scarred for life! And here I thought I was the only one."  
  
The Care Bears and the Smurfs were congratulating each other on a job well done. The world was once again free of the evil Teletubbies. It's just not right to have creatures who have TV's for stomachs (*shudders* nightmares.).  
  
"Nice work, Papa Smurf."  
  
"You too, Care Bear."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
A piercing scream ripped through the air. Everyone turned to see Hermione huddled in a far corner of the room. She was chewing on the arm of a wounded Care Bear.  
  
"What? I smelled bacon!"  
  
"I'm not dead!" The Care Bear protested.  
  
"That can be fixed," Hermione said, and promptly ripped out his heart.  
  
While everyone was busy gagging, Papa Smurf was searching for something. "Aha! You're not supposed to eat us! You're a cannibal! The script even says so!"  
  
"Oh, it that the script?" Hermione asked innocently. "I burned it." She smiled evilly.  
  
"You- you've been taken!" Papa Smurf shrieked (hahaha, he shrieks!!!).  
  
"But the bacon was so persuasive-," Hermione began. Before she could finish, the remaining Smurfs and Care Bears had taken the opportunity to run away. "So the hunt begins.." Hermione cackled evilly. "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"But honey, we're alone now," said the no-longer-being-eaten Care Bear.  
  
"I know we are..." began Hermione. She turned, still grinning evilly.  
  
"You lied to me!!! NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
So that is why the Care Bear felt it necessary to cut her head off. The decapitated head glared at him from the floor. "I'll be back." Then the eyes glazed over, and the Care Bear picked up a chopped off leg. "Hmm, it does smell like bacon." And he began to chew.  
  
Ron was kneeling next to a sobbing Harry. "Harry, it didn't mean anything, honest. Harry look at me!!!"  
  
"You ate the papaya! You knew that one was mine! How could you?" And so, to make Harry feel better, Ron took him on his lap and began to whisper secrets to him that no one else cared about.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Dirk Gently (he is from Douglas Adams, and so is his detective agency. he's not mine *sobs*) sat at his desk in his rundown office. Being bored, he decided to call random numbers, and then persist in asking the person he called why they kept calling him. He picked up the phone and dialed.  
  
"Hello?" said Snape from another universe, where the cheese and rats are fighting each other, Snape is worshipped, and they DO have phones.  
  
"Hello? Yes? What is it?" Dirk Gently said testily.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Who do you think you are? Calling me in the middle of the night!"  
  
"I do believe you called me."  
  
"I most certainly did not. You really need to stop stalking me!"  
  
"I assure you, if I thought that you were worth stalking, I wouldn't have done it anyway."  
  
"So you say now."  
  
"All right, why are you calling me?"  
  
"I'm not! You called me! And my tribes people and I demand tribute for our patience." Dirk Gently grinned.  
  
"Tribute? To you? A lowly Muggle?" shouted Snape, outraged. "This mans WAR! You will pay for your insolence!"  
  
Dirk Gently hung up the phone and smiled. That was definitely one of the most interesting conversations he had had yet. Maybe he would get hired to figure out what was going on. He laughed. Then someone jumped in his window, and demanded to be paid. He gasped in recognition, looking at.  
  
A/N: hehehe, another cliffie. as if u really care, but i have fun. woooooooohooooooooo! i have to go pay tribute to the candy for using it in my story. my cool purple hue monkeys will see u out 


	4. The Evil Bacon Takeover cont'd

The Evil Bacon Takeover (cont'd)  
  
"Hermione, your behavior is unacceptable! Professor Dumbledor will hear about this!" McGonagall was almost purple from shouting at Hermione.  
  
"But the bacon made me do it! I swear!!! It did!!!"  
  
"Bacon has no brain."  
  
"But this is evil bacon-" but she was cut off as they walked into the rooms just outside Dumbledor's office. "Hmm, I see Dumbledor has a new secretary," muttered McGonagall, as Black wasn't there, like he usually was. Speaking up, she said, "We'd like to see Professor Dumbledor, please."  
  
"If you'll hold on a second, I'll be right with you," a squeaky voice said.  
  
"But this is very important."  
  
"I just have to kill myself, and then I'll be right with you." Peter Pettigrew said.  
  
"Oh, all right." McGonagall stood there with Hermione, tapping her foot impatiently. "Aren't you done yet?"  
  
"Almost. The blood is almost gone now." (a/n: DIE!!! I HATE U!!! DIE!!! *throws sharp objects at Wormtail*)  
  
"We'll just show ourselves in, then." McGonagall grabbed Hermione by the hand and dragged her into Dumbledor's office. They went in, only to be emotionally scarred for the rest of their lives. Dumbledor was, oh it's too horrible. Oh, well. Dumbledor was. playing CANDYLAND!!! "Oh, the Lollypop Princess is my favorite character." Dumbledor said, giggling like a small child. "Nah-ah," said Black. "I like Lord Licorice!"  
  
"The evil bacon got them, too!" Hermione shreiked, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
McGonagall feel on her knees, mumbling something that sounded like, "No, not Black, he's too strong. Not Black, not him." The bacon crawled out of Dumbledor's ear, going towards McGonagall. It did seem very evil. It smelled so good. no! She was a vegetarian! But the bacon.  
  
Hermione ran away shrieking as another teacher was taken.  
  
***************************  
  
"Go, my minions! This is war! We take no prisoners!" yelled Snape in the hole that leads to the center of the universe where rats and cheese are having a war and they worship him because he's a wizard and Crookshanks appeared out of nowhere.  
  
The minions (the rats and cheese stopped having their war so that they could properly worship Snape) all bowed and raised their respective weapons. Muenster cheese needed no weapon, and neither did Blue Cheese. It smelled really bad (a/n: it does!!!). The rats all had rapiers or axes or swords or clubs or maces. The rest of the cheeses were armed with spices. Yes! Spices!!! (a/n: the horror!!!)  
  
"Now go! Destroy those who must pay for their insolence!!!" Snape ordered. Obediently, his minions began to climb out of the hole that leads to the center of the universe where rats and cheese are having a war and they worship him because he's a wizard and Crookshanks appeared out of nowhere. Snape cackled evilly, stroking Crookshanks. "He will pay. He will!"  
  
********************************  
  
Harry and Ron are still stroking each other and whispering to each other secrets that no one else cares about. I thought that it would be rude to interrupt them.  
  
*******************************  
  
Dirk Gently sat in his office, waiting for the explosion. 5.4.3.2.1.BOOM!!!  
  
He smiled.  
  
Then he screamed as the rats and cheese rushed in, and proceeded to.  
  
a/n: wooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! sugar!!!! where is the coffee? it abandoned me!!! *sobs* oh well. don't forget to worship the coffee. it will save us one day!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. MeowMix

McGonagall crawled through the castle. The bacon had weakened her, and she was searching for water. You are a fish, the bacon said over and over. "Fish, fish, fish, fish," McGonagall sang to the tune of the meowmix commercial (the Code of Evil Bacon). You know the one, "I love bacon, liver and chicken, ocean flavors keep me lickin'" except there's a cat going meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. This is the Code of Evil Bacon. The bacon must search for the liver, chicken, and ocean flavors. But, at the moment, it was being scientifically spontaneous, and wanted to see what the insolently weak human would do as a fish. The Evil Bacon laughed. (a/n: bacon can laugh *looks around nervously* if only u can hear).  
  
McGonagall crawled, because the bacon wanted her to, towards the lake. She threw herself in, flopping like a fish, the bacon laughing all the while. Te giant squid kept lifting her out of the water, though. This angered the bacon, who was having fun. He "threw" McGonagall back in the water several times, only to have her repeatedly saved by the giant squid. After three hours, the bacon grew bored. "Dragging" McGonagall out of the water, he made her walk back to the castle. "Now to find the liver," "she" uttered evilly. ************************************* Dirk Gently gaped at the rats and cheese invading his office. He couldn't believe it. He had had a theory about the existence of animate cheese and slightly more intelligent rats for years, but no one had ever believed him. He vaguely wondered who he had called earlier.  
  
"Kill him, my minions! No survivors!" Snape emerged into the office through the window, still stroking Crookshanks, and screaming.  
  
"Umm, excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I think that I'm the only person in here besides you. So, technically, it should be 'He shall not survive!'," Dirk Gently said gently (a/n: ha that's funny lol).  
  
Snape paused to think about this, meanwhile halting his minions' attack. While Snape was busy thinking, which, I might add, took him a considerable amount of effort, Dirk Gently escaped to go see if he could find Harry Potter, who had called him about some strange happenings at a wizarding school. May I put out there, into the world of people who read my fics, that it is very easy to talk all the time, without processing a single thought. Your mouth just flaps about constantly, and if anyone bothers to listen to what you're saying, every once in a while you might just actually say something semi-intelligent. Such was the case with Snape, not because he was a brainless idiot, as most people are, but because he had been consumed in the glory of his own power. Total power is totally corrupting (a/n: or something like that). (a/n: i just realized what i wrote, and its semi-serious! wow)  
  
Anyhoozles, Dirk Gently had just escaped through the very window that his would-be attackers had entered through with the intent to kill. As this happened very often to him, he was not overly concerned, as most people would be, because he was not like most people. What a shocking conclusion!  
  
Dirk Gently had been searching for Harry Potter (remember he's a Squib, he knows about wizards), when he was overcome by a sudden need for sugar. Being too lazy to walk across the street to a grocery store/supermarket/whatever/place that sells food, he went into the Eckerd (a drug store). He was wandering through the isles, looking for the candy that would just suit his mood. It's amazing that there are so many kinds of candy out there! So many, in fact, that it is nearly, very nearly, but not quite, impossible to not find a kind of candy that exactly suits the mood you are in.  
  
So there was the detective, wandering innocently around the isles, when he stumbled across Ron and Harry. Literally, he stumbled across them. They had been there so long, during which time Ron tried to comfort Harry after his emotional trauma, that they had fallen asleep on the floor. This is an utterly gross thing to do, because if you have ever taken the time to look incredibly stupid and study the floor of a public place, you will find that it is probably more sanitary to live in a dumpster than touch the floor.  
  
Dirk recognized Harry, and sat their prodding them with a stick, which appeared out of nowhere, trying to wake them up. Since the author failed to do this herself, I very much doubt the ability of Dirk Gently to do it. However, we shall let him try, his candy forgotten as he was laughing too hard.  
  
***************************************************  
  
Snape is still thinking. He had lost a lot of his mind-power during his short time as "Pharaoh" for the rats and the cheese down at the bottom of the hole that leads to the center of the universe where the rats and cheese were having a war but stopped to worship Snape and Crookshanks appeared out of nowhere and they do have phones.  
  
****************************************************  
  
McGonagall is still struggling to get to the castle. The bacon is having too much fun making her act like a fish again. For the bacon, the temptation was too great. The squid is getting tired of saving McGonagall. Now, it won't even let her in the water. I wonder what that could mean. (hehehe)  
  
****************************************************  
  
Remus Lupin was stumbling around in Hogwarts. He felt weak, so weak. What could it be? He had been sure to stay away from bacon, so it wasn't that. He had checked the calendar again today, and the full moon wasn't for 3 weeks. But this weakness, this sense of being too tired to move felt so familiar, and yet so new.  
  
The others watched him closely. It seemed that.  
  
a/n: wow, i really do have too much fun writing this too much fun lol anyhoozles, don't give up on the coffee oh yeah, and read and review I personally think that this was one of the strangest chappies i have written yet 


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